Starting Out
by Redwinged Blackbird
Summary: The fight before Sam leaves. Sam’s first weeks at Stanford. How he meets Jess. Possible Hurt! Or Limp!Sam. Dean will probably make an appearance probably as protective! Probably if not definitely AU. NEVER any wincest. We’ll just see how it goes.
1. THE winchester fight and some stuff

**Summary:** The fight before Sam leaves. Sam's first weeks at Stanford. How he meets Jess. Possible Hurt! Or Limp!Sam. Dean will probably make an appearance probably as protective! Probably if not definitely AU. NEVER any wincest. We'll just see how it goes.

**Disclaimer:** All I own in life is what is given to me. I asked for Dean and Sam for christmas... and behold, they were there! And then I woke up and it really was christmas morning... I couldn't even get The Demon to show. So I own nothing is the point.

**AN:** Unbeta'd This is going to take on a life of it's own, I know that right now, so I make no promises (except that there will be NO wincest). Please be a little patient. Feel free to skip ahead to the part you want to read. Enjoy.

XXXXXXXXXX— SsUuPpEeRrNnAaTtUuRrAaLl—XXXXXXXXXXX

It was his first week at Stanford. The world as he knew it had completely changed. No more ghosts, poltergeists, shape shifters, demons- THE demon. There was no more of his father's quest to find the thing and kill it. Sam could finally stay in one place at least and be normal.

Over the last few days though, he was still thinking about the family he had.

(**AN:** Flashing back)

They'd had good times together and he missed Dean and his dad. Especially Dean, he was his big brother, his only real friend over the years.

But then he'd flash back to his dad, yelling. "Fine! If you're gonna go, STAY GONE!" It made Sam mad, but it also hurt. Most parents would be proud.

Seeing Dean's face was almost heartbreaking.

Sam went into the adjoining room that they had gotten. Dean followed. While Sam packed furiously and angrily, Dean just stood there in the corner arms folded. Never saying a word, he just watched trying to mask the conflict he felt and how upset it made him.

Sam was packing the last of his things and finally grabbing a few weapons from the stash when Dean finally said something. "Sam... please..." it wasn't quite begging, asking, or telling, it was like a mix of all three.

"I can't stay," Sam looked up, "I have to do this." They just stared at each other for a while, silent.

"I know," Dean looked down, "It wont be the same without you." _'I'll miss you.'_

"Same here," Sam zipped his duffel closed and headed for the door.

"Sammy..." Dean said almost pleading he was hoping at one last try to get his brother to stay.

Sam looked back expecting something else to come out afterwards.

"Hey Sammy."

"Yeah, what is it Dean?" he threw out casually.

"G'bye..." he paused, "Bitch"

Sam smiled a little, "Yeah, see ya. Jerk." He looked back as he was closing the door, "And by the way, it's Sam." And then he was gone.

He left John fuming in one room, and his brother in shock in the one next to it.

It was 5 miles to the bus station and a 4 hour wait for the bus.

Every other moment Sam considered turning back. He couldn't, because if he did, he would never be free, be normal.

John would never look at him the same way, and Dean would be happy to see him back, but the sam would be true there to. Sam had closed the door.

**AN:** Okay, I know it's a bit short, it's the first chapter, it's 10:30 pm here, and I'm writing on a whim.  
Read and review. Tell me what you think, what you want/don't want to see, or just how your day has been. I don't care, just motivate me.

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	2. Younger flashback, a little angst

1**Summary:** The fight before Sam leaves. Sam's first weeks at Stanford. How he meets Jess. Possible Hurt! Or Limp!Sam. Dean will probably make an appearance probably as protective! Probably if not definitely AU. NEVER any wincest. We'll just see how it goes.

**Disclaimer:** All I own in life is what is given to me. I asked for Dean and Sam for christmas... and behold, they were there! And then I woke up and it really was christmas morning... I couldn't even get The Demon to show. So I own nothing is the point.

**AN:** Unbeta'd This is going to take on a life of it's own, I know that right now, so I make no promises (except that there will be NO wincest). Please be a little patient. Feel free to skip ahead to the part you want to read. Enjoy.

**''**

_It was 5 miles to the bus station and a 4 hour wait for the bus. _

_Every other moment Sam considered turning back. He couldn't, because if he did, he would never be free, be normal. _

_John would never look at him the same way, and Dean would be happy to see him back, but the sam would be true there to. Sam had closed the door._

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Sam walked through the graveyard alone. It was the only place in Palo Alto that he could really go to think. He laughed a bit at the irony, he leaves hunting and the supernatural for normal, and then he runs away from normal to a graveyard.

At least it wasn't the normal experience he was used to. It wasn't creepy–unless you counted the back end where the headstones seemed a bit older–but at least he wasn't digging up a grave for a Winchester salt-n-burn.

_FLASHING BACK AGAIN_

Sam pretty much slept on the bus all the way to his stop. Honestly, he had no idea of where he had just come from unless he looked at the ticket. There were only two bus transfers until he got to Palo Alto.

But there was something he forgot. Normal people, people who weren't freaking out or knew nothing about hunting, could be pretty damn annoying.

There was someone always asking, "Where ya headed?" which was the easy question, but the "Where ya from," was a bit worse. Either way, both made him cringe a little.

First he was reminded of where he was headed and it made him a bit proud to explain the 'full-ride-to-Stanford' thing. But then the second question was the biggest guilt trip in the world.

You can't just say, "Oh, I'm running away and abandoning my family and I'm not from anywhere really because we hunt ghosts." So he'd make up some nowhere town he'd been to on the road and pray that the person had never been there.

After fifteen times of the same questions, his favorite replies would be, "I'm going to try and find the Great Pumpkin," and "I'm running away from the circus."

It wasn't exactly lying. His life was enough like a circus, plus he always did hate clowns.

And at the ages of 3-9 he had been actually convinced the Great Pumpkin existed. Halloween wasn't exactly the Winchester's favorite holiday. Trick-or-treating was not an option. So every year Dean would make sure Sam magically got his favorite candy. All courtesy of the Great Pumpkin.

Every year without fail. Sam deserved _some_ normalcy that Dean never really had. That is until Sam was convinced that he could hunt down the said pumpkin and attain more candy.

At the time, John just happened to be investigating a Vanir. Sam decided to go off by himself–_disappear_–and sit in the local pumpkin patch all night long.

John was the first to notice Sam was gone. Dean was out on his usual Halloween tradition–smashing pumpkins and draping the town in toilet paper. So when he got back about a half hour after John, the panic set in.

"You mean he wasn't with you?!"

"Uh... yeah, he always stays home on Halloween," Dean paused after seeing John's face. '_Oh crap' _Dean didn't know what it was, but there was _something _in the patch "Sam isn't here, is he?"

"Let's go Dean, he might have gone with some kids."

"No, he's not a trick-or-treat kinda kid..."

"Your point being..."

"Umm... he's possibly out hunting the Great Pumpkin," Dean looked down and paused, "He's most likely searching the pumpkin patch." '_Oh god, this is really bad._'

"Alright Dean, grab some weapons and hurry, I don't know how to kill it."

'_Oh shit, this is way worse._' Dean just stood there.

"Now Dean, GO!"

Meanwhile, Sam crouched low in the patch. In one hand a flashlight. In the other, a sack, rope, a few flare guns, and salt.

He'd search everywhere if he had to, the Great Pumpkin was here somewhere.

About 45 minutes after it got dark, he heard something moving. First, it was coming from behind, but then it seemed almost to be coming from everywhere. Almost like it was circling him or something.

Sam didn't move, he'd wait silently until he could see it to capture it.

Finally, there was a silhouette.

"Stop. I've come to kidnap you unless you give me more candy from here on out!"

Nothing happened and it just drew closer. It freaked Sam out a bit. He expected the thing to be massive with a giant voice–much like the giant pitcher on the kool-aid commercials.

As it got closer, Sam pointed his flash light and was horrified to see a giant scarecrow thing rushing at him. Fumbling in the sack, he pulled out one of the flare guns and fired. It disappeared and Sam used his chance to get out of the patch. It was a long run back, he had been lurking around for a while now.

He didn't get fifteen steps until it appeared again. Not wanting to use the last flare gun just yet, Sam pulled out a hand full of rock salt and chucked it at the scarecrow.

It was stunned for a moment, but Sam didn't bother to look back and check, he just focused on the fence that was just about 50 yards away.

It was faster than Sam though and it gained on him quickly. He was almost to the fence and it was right behind him again. Sam had long ago dropped everything but the last flare gun and the salt–which he already used.

He whipped around and fired the last gun hoping to make it to the fence before it appeared again.

The impala skidded to a stop in front of the gate. They quickly gathered everything the could afford to carry and started to search.

"You take this end and I'll go this way," Dean huffed.

"No, we don't split up. You here me?"

"But Dad, we might find him faster-"

"No buts Dean, we don't know what could happen."

"Yes sir," Dean surrendered.

They couldn't see anything and all they heard was the sound of running and a panicked voice now and again.

Dean and John chased after it, it always seemed to go in a new direction. They finally stopped to take a breath and Dean looked back towards the gate and saw a flare go off.

"Dad! There!"

Sam was within feet of the gate and tripped on a vine. He landed with a thud and knocked his head on the fence post.

When he finally hazily looked up, it was over him. It brought it's hook down to catch him, but Sam rolled and it only caught on his sweater. Sam screamed and the Vanir swung it's arm back, bringing Sam with it and hitting him once again into the fence before dropping him.

He saw it come at him again right before he lost consciousness.

They ran at the spot where they saw the flare go off. Dean was faster and go there just in time to see it go after Sam. Sam was on the ground. Sam wasn't moving. '_Oh god'_

"Hey! Get away from him!"

The Vanir was distracted and began to move towards Dean. _'Not my best idea.'_

"Dad!"

There were two shots fired as John came up from behind. It disappeared again, but John knew it wouldn't be long until it came back.

Dean ran over to where Sam was laying. Even in the dark Dean could tell that Sam had a huge gash on his head and bruises already forming.

"Sam." He didn't get a response. Shaking him slightly Dean tried again, "Sammy!"

Before he could do anything else, John scooped Sam up in his arms and looked at Dean.

"Come on Dean! We need to move!"

"But it's gone, we need to check Sam."

"It'll come back if we don't leave now. Go!"

They ran for the gate and made it to the impala in time to see it at the gate in the head lights. John floored it to the hotel and left his sons in the car while he packed their things as quickly as he could.

Dean sat in back holding on to his little brother for dear life. It was all his fault. If he hadn't watched that stupid Charlie Brown holiday special, if he hadn't gone out, Sam would be fine. But no. Instead he had to terrorize the locals. He stopped punishing himself mentally as Sam started to move.

"Dean?"

"Sammy! Are you ok?"

"Ah, god it hurts!" he winced. "Wha happened?"

"You don't remember?"

Sam shook his head.

"You went on a little hunting trip tonight."

"What was I hunting? How'd it go?" Sam's voice was weak and he was trying to hide the pain now.

"Doesn't matter Sam."

"Did the Great Pumpkin come yet?"

Dean sighed and said firmly, "Sam. The Great Pumpkin isn't real."

Sam looked shocked and disappointed, but it had to be done after tonight.

"Go to sleep Sam."

Sam more passed out then more than anything.

John returned to the car and started the engine. A few miles out of town he finally asked.

"How did Sam get the idea of the 'Great Pumpkin'?" his voice was slightly angry.

"Well... I-I kinda told him..."

"Why would you do that Dean! You know what we do."

"I felt bad he didn't get candy like the other kids..." _'Like how I never got candy'_ "I never thought-"

"You never thought what?!"

Dean finally had it, "Well, he never hunts down Santa or the Easter bunny!" After a moment he finally realized what he'd done and muttered a silent 'sorry'.

John sighed, "It's alright son, just no more holiday characters... I'll tell him later about Santa and the gang."

"I already killed the Great Pumpkin if that helps."

"Just... forget about all this. Ok Dean? Just take care of Sammy."

"Yes sir."

"Dean," John suddenly felt bad.

"Yeah?"

"I'm Dad, not 'sir'."

**AN:** This one's slightly longer YAY! We've got some Protective!Dean and Hurt!Sam plus a piece of background that I honestly didn't plan on writing or even know about when I started this chapter lol. I'm just setting up background as I go.

I'm planning on Sam and Jess meeting next chapter, but again, no promises.

Read and review. Tell me what you think, what you want/don't want to see, or just how your day has been. I don't care, just motivate me.

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	3. Sam gets to Stanford and meets the gang

**Summary:** The fight before Sam leaves. Sam's first weeks at Stanford. How he meets Jess. Possible Hurt! Or Limp!Sam. Dean will probably make an appearance probably as protective! Probably if not definitely AU. NEVER any wincest. We'll just see how it goes.

**Disclaimer:** I'm trying to win them in the route 666 contest, but for the moment I only own my season 1 dvd's that I'm hopelessly addicted to.

**AN:** Unbeta'd This is going to take on a life of it's own, I know that right now, so I make no promises (except that there will be NO wincest). Please be a little patient. Feel free to skip ahead to the part you want to read. Enjoy.

_Sam walked through the graveyard alone. It was the only place in Palo Alto that he could really go to think. He laughed a bit at the irony, he leaves hunting and the supernatural for normal, and then he runs away from normal to a graveyard._

_&&&&_

_Sam pretty much slept on the bus all the way to his stop. Honestly, he had no idea of where he had just come from unless he looked at the ticket. There were only two bus transfers until he got to Palo Alto._

_But there was something he forgot. Normal people, people who weren't freaking out or knew nothing about hunting, could be pretty damn annoying._

_There was someone always asking, "Where ya headed?" which was the easy question, but the "Where ya from," was a bit worse. Either way, both made him cringe a little._

_&&&&_

"_Did the Great Pumpkin come yet?"_

_Dean sighed and said firmly, "Sam. The Great Pumpkin isn't real."_

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This was the third night Sam came to the graveyard. He either would walk around or flop on a bench by a giant willow tree or just sit on the grass leaning against one of the statues. He'd stay from dusk to about when the stars came out.

This time after a walk, he had chosen a statue of an angel to lean against. Sam didn't know what happened exactly after a person died, but he did believe in God and heaven. If there was a hell with demons, then there had to be something to balance it out.

_FLASH BACK YET AGAIN_

When he finally got to Stanford, he was given the usual 'freshman orientation and tour' fest. It seemed to take forever and Sam really only paid attention to what might concern him; the rest was just a whole new level of boring and dull.

At the end of the day, he was given a paper that listed his dorm, class order, and supplies needed.

Sam really just wanted to relax. So he went with the 'investigate the dorm' option and would deal with the rest later. '_I think there's a word for this... oh yeah, procrastination.'_ Sam thought and laughed. Procrastination wasn't something he got to do often.

He made it up to the dorms and discovered that they were nice. Nice didn't even begin to describe it. Between all of the dumpy hotels that he'd passed through in his life, it was possibly the best living condition he'd ever seen. _'But that's probably get when you go to one of the top schools… Must be due to some of the rich kids.' _he thought.

Sam entered his room and found his roommate laying on the couch reading "The Scarlet Letter."

"That, is quite possibly one of the most boring books in the world," Sam stated to get his attention.

"Oh, hey I didn't see you come in."

"I mean, don't get me wrong, it has a good plot to it. But reading it is like walking through thick, frozen mud." Sam set his duffle down and walked over and offered a hand, "I'm Sam by the way, and if I'm not totally lost, I'm your new roommate."

"Ah, hey nice to meet you," he took Sam's hand, "I'm Zach. Yeah, I agree, but it's for a class." Zach paused and added, "I'm from St. Louis, how about you?"

Sam let out a sigh at the question and replied, "I'm from the circus."

Zach laughed, "So what's your story there?"

"Well, after my mom died when I was a baby, my dad did some thinking, talked to a few people, and decided to join. He took my brother and me with him. We traveled a lot."

Still laughing Zach asked, "So as a kid you threatened to run away from the circus I take it. What was your dad's role?"

"Uhhh… My dad, my dad would flip between some things. He was a magician, ring leader, lion tamer, and a strong man at one point. And yeah, I did threaten to run away. I guess I finally did," he said the last part silently and more to himself.

"Never a clown though huh?"

"Oh God no!"

"All right, all right. Well, I'm assuming you're not really from the circus, what's the real truth?"

"That's not exactly very far from the real truth," Sam muttered.

"Ok. Don't ask, don't tell. Right?"

"That's about it, yeah."

There was a bit of an awkward silence.

"You look like a new arrival. They usually room freshman with people who have been here at least a year. I'm a sophomore. My sister's a freshman too, they probably figured that I'd help her around and that she's visited so they put her with another freshman."

"Yeah, I'm a freshman. I've got an older brother too. What's your sister's name?"

"Rebecca, but people close to her just call her 'little Becky'."

"Yeah, I know how family can be, my brother used to call me Sammy. I hated it," Sam laughed quetly.

"What's this brother's name?"

"His name's Dean," he was suddenly serious.

"So he doesn't call you that anymore?"

"Well... It's complicated," Sam looked away.

"Alright, I get it. Enough about your family. I'm from Missouri. Growing up it was just me and little Becky. The past couple years my parents spend half the year in France since I'm in college and my sister could take care of herself. Pretty much the nuclear family. But we don't really like apple pie that much," he said laughing

"Sounds nice," Sam said softly and looked down.

"Hey, Becky's not far from here, I'll introduce you," Zach picked up on Sam's mood and headed to the door.

"Alright, that sounds like an idea," he perked up a little.

Sam followed and they headed up a flight of stairs.

"Hey Sam, her room is just one flight up. I need to ask a buddy something. Think you can manage?"

"Yeah."

"Ok, I'll be right up. Just tell her you're with me if I'm not up yet."

"Will do," Sam headed up the stairs.

He came to the door just as a girl was coming out.

"Oh, sorry. Excuse me."

"It's alright. Are you Rebecca by any chance?" Sam asked.

Zach came up behind Sam and laughed, "Hey Zach. And no, I'm not Becky, I'm Jess, and I've gotta go. Becky's inside, you're welcome to go in. See ya around," she looked at Sam.

Sam and Zach entered the open door.

_END FLASH BACK_

"Hey."

Sam was pulled out of his thoughts by a voice.

**AN:** See, where one door closes, another opens lol. It's a little shorter than the last one, but we're getting there. I at least threw Jess, Becky, and Zach in. I plan on more Jess and Sam dialogue next time God laughs. Cliffy I know.

Read and review. Tell me what you think, what you want/don't want to see, or just how your day has been. I don't care, just motivate me. What you want to see will most likely effect the story, so seriously tell me.

**Reviews rock my salt.**

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	4. Sam Meets Jess angst thrown in

1**Summary:** The fight before Sam leaves. Sam's first weeks at Stanford. How he meets Jess. Possible Hurt! Or Limp!Sam. Dean will probably make an appearance probably as protective! Probably if not definitely AU. NEVER any wincest. We'll just see how it goes.

**Disclaimer:** I stole the metalicar once in an attempt to trap them. It almost worked on Dean, but Sam is immune to mind control unfortunately. So alas they got away and I own nothing.

**AN:** Unbeta'd This is going to take on a life of it's own, I know that right now, so I make no promises (except that there will be NO wincest). Please be a little patient. Feel free to skip ahead to the part you want to read. Enjoy.

_This was the third night Sam came to the graveyard. He either would walk around or flop on a bench by a giant willow tree or just sit on the grass leaning against one of the statues. _

_&&&&_

"_I'm Sam by the way, and if I'm not totally lost, I'm your new roommate."_

"_Ah, hey nice to meet you," he took Sam's hand, "I'm Zach. Yeah, I agree, but it's for a class." Zach paused and added, "I'm from Missouri, how about you?"_

_Sam let out a sigh at the question and replied, "I'm from the circus."_

_&&&&_

"_It's alright. Are you Rebecca by any chance?" Sam asked._

_Zach and the girl just laughed, "Hey Zach. No, I'm Jess and I've gotta go. Becky's inside, you're welcome to go in. See ya around," she looked at Sam._

_&&&&_

"_Hey."_

_Sam was pulled out of his thoughts by a voice._

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"Hey."

Sam looked up at where the voice was coming from.

"Hey. Ummm... you mind moving a bit to your right, you're sitting on someone."

"Oh, hey sorry," Sam shifted from under the angel.

"Wait a minute, I know you, you're Zach's roommate. Right?"

"Yeah, I am. I'm Sam by the way." He stood up.

"Yeah... I kinda bumped into you the other day didn't I? Sorry again about that."

"Oh. I remember now. You must be Becky's roommate. Jessica?"

"That's me, but please don't call me that, I hate it. Call me Jess," she smiled.

"And hey, don't worry about that. People bump into me all the time," Sam shrugged. _'If by people you mean _things_...'_

"So who are you visiting," Jess asked looking around, "I don't think I've seen you here before."

"Oh, I'm not really visiting someone." _'Or grave digging.'_

"Then if you don't mind me asking, what has you stalking around a graveyard?"

"Oh, I just get a kick out of looking for ghosts," Sam laughed but then stopped suddenly when he realized what he just said. "No, I just needed to clear my head. I've just had a lot of stuff on my mind..." he looked away.

"I get ya. We all need to get away sometimes," she said in a reassuring and understanding tone.

Sam relaxed and was quiet for a moment. "So why are you here?"

Jess nodded towards the angel. "I come to see my mom and little brother about once a week."

"Oh... I'm sorry," Sam suddenly felt bad for asking.

"Hey, don't worry. It was a long time ago." It got quiet for a moment, but it felt like hours.

"I can leave if you want," Sam offered.

"No, it's ok. I don't mind."

"If I'm not stepping a line, do you want to tell me about it?"

Jess thought for a moment and started, "I was about three. My mom just had my brother prematurely. He was lucky, he was perfectly healthy and they brought him home. They named him Michael." Jess paused. "My mom had some complications though. We didn't know about it until was too late to really do anything. She was in the hospital a few weeks before she died."

"I'm sorry, do you mind telling me about your brother?" Sam asked in a soft tone.

"My brother he was only about 6 months old... I don't know. He obviously knew she was missing. But it was like he knew she was really _gone._ I remember him crying a lot afterwards. It was about a months after my mom died. One morning we woke up. He wasn't crying like usual and my dad had gone in to check on him. I remember my dad yelling for my older brother to get the phone and bring it to the nursery." Jess stopped for a moment. "Most of this is a collection of what people have told me and a little of what I remember... My brother told me that he saw Michael in my dad's arms. He said that there was a little blood on his face, but I don't know if I really believe that... The doctors said it was SIDS, there wasn't really anything we could do."

"Man, Jess, I'm really sorry. That's terrible," Sam put his hand on her shoulder.

She sighed, "It's not really that bad. I was just a little kid so I don't remember too much. I still had my older brother and my dad. Dad re-married when I was about 9. My step-mom is really great. She's been like a real mother to me." Jess looked up and smiled.

"I'm glad that worked out for you in the end," Sam said a little quietly and looked at the angel.

"What?" Jess picked up on the mood.

"It's nothing."

"No, it's something. I've learned enough from my brother to know when a guy's hiding something."

"My mom died in a fire when I was a baby..."

"Oh gosh, I'm so sorry."

"Yeah... I usually don't talk about it," Sam turned his back and faced the angel completely.

Jess walked over and stood by Sam's side and looked up at the angel too. "It's alright. I wont tell." Sam still looked at the angel not saying a word. "But... if you ever do want to talk about it, I'll listen."

Jess sat down and Sam followed suit. Nothing was said.

It finally got dark and Jess got up, "I need to get back, Becky'll think I've been thieved by gypsies or something and freak." She turned and started to walk back when Sam finally said something.

"I don't remember her." Sam was still sitting.

Jess turned around and took a step forward to listen.

"My dad... dad, he was really torn apart about it. He moved us, my brother and me, out of the town we lived in pretty much right after," Sam played with the grass. "I remember that for a while we lived out of the car. Then we'd bounce between hotels, always moving. Dad would be gone a lot and Dean... Dean was pretty much left to take care of me." Guilt raced through Sam's body. "We never really had a normal childhood. _'Dean had no childhood.'_ Dean was-is my best friend." Sam stopped talking and kept his head down.

_FLASH BACK_

It was fall and Sam was about five. They were staying in another weird hotel, but at least they got a suit this time.

John had to leave to take care of something._ Again_ So that left just Dean and Sam for a few days. Sam was watching Thunder Cats or something like it as he heard his father leave instructions with Dean and take off. If they said 'goodbye' every time John left, it would be just about all they said.

Dean and Sam watched t.v. or played games mostly when John was gone. But they hated being stuck in a room for too long. Especially Dean. It makes a person a little crazy to stay in one spot for too long, not to mention kids.

They were so used to it though that they always had a way to kill time. Sam and Dean would bicker about little things, but they always got along in the end and made the best out of it.

Sam couldn't cook and John couldn't quite figure out the toaster yet. So Dean usually made something in the microwave or pulled something out of the bag that for normal people, would be a pantry.

This time they were in a Lucky Charms and Spaghetti O's phase.

By the last night they were low on Lucky Charms and Dean decided to try and hoard the rest to himself telling Sam they were all gone-leaving only Spaghetti O's.

Dean sat in front of the t.v. all day while Sam would either sit there with him, or wander around aimlessly and snoop.

Dean made Sam some of the Spaghetti O's and set it in front of him. He pulled the Lucky Charms box out of hiding just as Sam turned around.

"I wanted Lucky Charms."

"I told you, we don't have any."

"I saw the box."

"Ok, maybe we do, but there's only enough for one and I haven't had any."

Sam put on the look, damn that look, Dean would always give in to it. And deep down, Sam knew it was true.

Dean replaced the Spaghetti O's with the Lucky Charms. He began to sulk until he heard Sam's voice.

"You want the prize?" he said with a smile and an outstretched hand.

Dean just stood there a minute in surprise. He smiled and ruffled Sam's hair, "Nah Sammy, go ahead and keep it."

"You sure?" hand still outstretched.

"Yeah, I'm sure," Dean laughed a little. "You'll like it more than I will." He sat back down in front of the t.v.

Sam stayed awake as late as he could watching t.v. with Dean but finally had to submit to the exhaustion.

"M' sleepy Dean," he rubbed his eyes and yawned.

"Go to bed Sammy, I'll be in later."

"K' Night Dean."

"Night Sammy."

About half an hour later, Dean got bored with what was on t.v. He looked in on Sam and saw he was out like a light. There was a video game in the lobby, he wouldn't be gone that long. Dean locked the door as he left.

After about three games it was time to head back. When he got in the room, something was up, it didn't feel right. Dean's first instinct was to check Sam. It terrified him to see this thing in a black robe hovering above his baby brother. He grabbed the gun, but before he could do anything, John came in, guns firing.

Sam woke up to his dad shaking him.

"Dad? What's going on?" he groaned out. All he remembered was going to sleep after watching t.v.

And now he just heard his dad, yelling at his brother. Something about going out or video games. It didn't matter then, he fell asleep and woke up at pastor Jim's.

_END FLASH BACK_

Jess walked over and crouched behind him, "Hey, it's ok." She put her hand on his back and felt Sam shaking slightly.

"It's pretty dark out... why don't we walk back together?" Jess offered and stood up and waited for a response. After a minute Sam finally stood up and turned around.

"Yeah, I should get back," Sam's voice was a little rough.

"C'mon," Jess motioned and turned. Sam followed and she gave him a smile.

They had walked back without saying a word. Sam turned towards his room as Jess went up the stairs.

"You know... the offer still stands. If you ever wanna-"

"I know." Sam said and went through the door.

**AN:** Ok, so we have the official Jess and Sam meeting. I meant to throw a new character in, but it didn't fit in anywhere. I did plan on this loosely, the chapter just needed to happen for me to be happy. I want to try and put the character in next time. 

Read and **review**. Tell me what you think, what you want/don't want to see, or just how your day has been. I don't care, just motivate me.

**What you want to see will most likely effect the story**, so seriously tell me.

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	5. Author's note

Now updated.


	6. Long Flash back, much hurt!, new charact

Summary: The fight before Sam leaves. Sam's first weeks at Stanford. How he meets Jess. Possible Hurt! Or Limp!Sam. Dean will probably make an appearance probably as protective! Probably if not definitely AU. NEVER any wincest. We'll just see how it goes.

Disclaimer: I am unable to locate a trickster or a djin, because if I was, I wouldn't have to write fiction because I would have my own little reality with Sam and Dean included. Thus I own only my wishes.

AN: Unbeta'd This is going to take on a life of it's own, I know that right now, so I make no promises (except that there will be NO wincest). Please be a little patient. Feel free to skip ahead to the part you want to read. Enjoy.

_&&&&_

"_I'm Sam by the way, and if I'm not totally lost, I'm your new roommate."_

"_Ah, hey nice to meet you," he took Sam's hand, "I'm Zach. Yeah, I agree, but it's for a class." Zach paused and added, "I'm from Missouri, how about you?"_

_Sam let out a sigh at the question and replied, "I'm from the circus."_

_&&&&_

"_It's alright. Are you Rebecca by any chance?" Sam asked._

_Zach and the girl just laughed, "Hey Zach. No, I'm Jess and I've gotta go. Becky's inside, you're welcome to go in. See ya around," she looked at Sam._

_&&&&_

"_Hey."_

_Sam was pulled out of his thoughts by a voice._

_&&&&_

"_C'mon," Jess motioned and turned. Sam followed and she gave him a smile._

_They had walked back without saying a word. Sam turned towards his room as Jess went up the stairs._

XXXXXXXXXX— SsUuPpEeRrNnAaTtUuRrAaLl—XXXXXXXXXX

Sam walked into the room to find Zach and Becky laughing on the couch.

"Hey man," Zach turned around.

"Hi Sam," Becky shot Sam a smile.

"Hey guys," Sam turned to his room.

"Hey man, what's the rush? The night is young. We were about to put on an M. Night Shyamalan movie and point out the references to red in all of his movies." Zach laughed.

"No thanks guys," Sam smiled.

"Well at least say hi to our new arrival, he'll be rooming with us. He's in the kitchen."

"Alright." Sam headed to the kitchen not wanting to be rude.

"Hey, you must be this Sam I've heard about." The guy offered a hand.

"Yeah, I am Sam, Sam I am" he laughed, "Nice to meet you…"

"Peter, I'm Peter."

"What are you up to?" Sam saw the mess on the counter.

"Oh, just making a ham omelet, it's great eating breakfast at 10pm," he laughed. "Want some?"

"No, I do not like eggs and ham."

"Suite yourself. I'll see you out front when the movie starts. I think we're starting with "The Sixth Sense."

"I'm not really in the-"

"Oh come on, it'll be fun. Call it a 'bonding moment'," he laughed.

"Between three guys and a sister?"

"Heck yes."

Sam actually considered for a moment. "Alright, I won't kill your fun."

"That's what we like to hear here! Well, ish. Something tells me I won't hear you screaming 'PARTY!' anytime soon.

Sam walked back into the room where Becky and Zach were sitting.

"…And you broke your arm trying to impress that girl by skating backwards." Becky cracked up.

"Well at least I'm not the one who got asked 'Are you a Mommy?' while sledding in the park with my boyfriend."

"Oh, shut up Zach." Becky threw a pillow and they were laughing.

"Hey guys, what'd I miss?"

"We're just talking about embarrassing moments that happened on winter vacation."

"Care to share a story?" Zach laughed.

_**FLASH BACK**_

Dean wanted to do something to surprise Sam. He had some extra cash from hustling pool, not a lot mind you, but enough to pick up a couple sleds from the Goodwill down the road.

You can find anything at Goodwill. Hell, even when John needed something odd for a hunt, the first place he'd go was Goodwill.

There was already snow on the ground and it wasn't going to melt anytime soon. Dean had spotted a pretty good hill not far from town that would be perfect. So he kept the sleds hidden in the impala overnight. John was going to be gone in the truck tomorrow so it's not like he would care.

Dean went back to the hotel and flopped on the bed.

"Where've you been?" Sam looked up from the t.v.

"Nowhere special. Hey gimme the remote," Dean yanked it away from Sam as he said it. "Godzilla vs. Mothra is on."

"Hey! I was watching that!"

"Well, looks like were watching this now."

"Dude…"

"Sorry Sammy, I can't hear you. The t.v.'s too loud."

"Whatever," Sam surrendered.

The next morning Dean made sure they got up early and set the alarm. For once, he was actually going to wake up early by his own choice.

"God, Dean… It's early. What's up with the alarm?"

"I dunno… the people here before must have set it." Dean got to his feet and walked around, "Hey, get dressed. You have to help me scrape the ice off the windows."

"Why would I do that… it's your car."

"Then you're gonna be pretty hungry this morning. I'm goin' out to the IHOP." Dean headed to the door after getting dressed. Sam was still in bed-avoiding getting up.

"Ok, ok, I'll do it. Just wait a sec."

God it was freezing out. Dean put his leather coat in the car, abandoning it for a parka. They spent about an hour eating and started to head back. Dean took the long way that passed by the hill.

"Hey Sam, the road's getting pretty slick, go get the tire chains from the trunk."

Sam shot him a look, "No man, it's freezing out."

"Well… then I'll do it. You're gonna have a long walk back to the room though."

"Fine." Sam got out of the car and headed to the trunk.

"Hey Dean…"

"Yeah Sam, what is it?"

"What's this?" Sam pulled out a sled.

"Well it's called a sled Sam. The idea is to ride down hills on it to have fun. Jesus you're supposed to be the smart one."

"Yeah, I know that, but why's it in the trunk?"

"Uhh… In case we ever wanted to go sledding Sam, duh. Man you're losing it, your IQ is like the temperature out here."

"Dean. We don't own sleds."

"Well we obviously do cause they're right there."

"But-"

"Just stop questioning things Sammy, c'mon." Dean took the other sled and led Sam to the hill that was just a little past some trees. He headed up one side of the hill, but Sam stopped.

"You had this planned."

Dean said nothing and continued walking.

On the side they were heading up, there were trees. But the other side was steeper and led into a frozen lake. Dean had checked it out previously and it was frozen solid. No doubt.

After Sam finally got over the shock of something normal for once, and a spontaneous act of kindness from his big brother, they really started to have fun.

They had a game where the one sliding down would have to dodge snowballs by making turns. That eventually got old and so they had races… that more revolved around sabotaging the other's sled and crashing.

"Hey, I bet I can get further down the hill than you," Sam laughed.

"I'd like to see you try. Face it, I've been kicking your ass all day."

"Watch me," Sam got a running start and sped down the hill. "C'mon Dean… Or do you think you can't beat me?" Sam teased.

Dean saw how far he got and was a little impressed. He had to beat it. "Yeah, just make a line so we can know how bad I beat you."

Dean laid flat on the sled to go faster and further. Lo and behold he made it out at least 10 yards more than Sam. He saw even still laying on the sled that from where Sam was, there was no question about it, and started laughing. "Told you I'd win!"

"Yeah, well… that's once. Two out of three," Sam raced up the hill.

Dean got up still laughing and heard a sickening crack. The next thing he knew was cold. No, not cold, literally freezing. He couldn't breathe and it hurt to move.

Sam looked back and didn't see Dean right away, "Ha! I beat you're ass up the hill at least." There wasn't a reply and Sam got a little worried. "Dean?" Sam paused, "Ok Dean, come out this isn't funn-" Sam was cut off mid sentence when he noticed the hole in the ice where Dean was. "Oh my God! DEAN!" Sam sprinted down the hill as fast as he could without falling and made it to the edge of where Dean fell.

Survival instinct kicked in and he made it to the surface. Dean grabbed at the edges of the ice to pull himself out but kept slipping. He couldn't yell, it was all he could do to breathe.

Sam saw Dean frantically grabbing at the ice and falling back in.

"…S…s…Sammy…" He managed to get out before he fell under the water again.

"Grab my arm Dean, I'll pull you out, just hold on."

Dean was pretty too much out of it to do anything. He heard Sam's voice, it didn't register. His brain was now only focused on surviving. He felt something to latch on to and held on until he was out.

Even though Sam was only 12, he managed to pull Dean out and get him a few feet away from the hole. Dean was just laying there with his eyes closed and shivering.

"Dean? C'mon Dean, you with me?" Sam hovered over him.

"Ahh…C-cold Sam."

"I know." Sam threw off Dean's parka and sweater as quickly and carefully as he could, replacing it with his own parka.

Dean was numb now, but at least he didn't feel the cold burning sensation all over any more.

"Dean, we need to get back, you ok to walk," Sam was now hovering again.

"Ugh, yeah… Dude, get offa me." Dean tried to stand but his muscles weren't working right. "Help me up will ya?"

Sam grabbed Dean's arm and pulled him up. Between the ice and the issue of balance, once Dean was up, Sam fell backwards. When he put his hand out for support to get up, he felt nothing and as he fell backwards, it momentarily hit him where he had been sitting.

Dean turned around in time to see Sam try and get up. "Sammy, watch ou-" it was too late, Sam fell in.

The water had re-frozen a little after Dean was pulled out. Adrenaline kicked in and Dean went back over to the hole. Sam hadn't surfaced for air yet.

"Sammy!" it had been too long. "Sam!"

Dean saw something out of the corner of his eye. A couple feet from the surface he saw Sam. Trapped under the ice.

"Oh God, Sammy!" Dean reached under, but couldn't get to him. His first instinct was to jump in after Sam, but that wasn't an option.

Dean started to beat the ice with his fists, but it just wouldn't break.

"DAMNIT!"

He racked his brain for something-anything to save Sam. He was watching his baby brother drown and couldn't do anything. An idea suddenly hit Dean, 'the spade,' there was a spade left in the trunk from the last salt-n-burn.

"Hang on Sam!" he looked at the ice and began to run.

Dean didn't feel how cold it was anymore, how his muscles ached with every move, or even the time he slipped and felt his arm cracking on the ice. He could only focus on Sam and how long he'd been under already.

'Why'd I have to park so freackin' far away?' he cursed to himself.

The trunk flew open and he grabbed the spade and ran back, not even bothering to close the trunk.

Sam was still there, but he wasn't struggling or fighting like he should be. Dean only saw a limp form under the thick ice.

"Sammy!" Dean started digging at the ice with the spade. He didn't make much progress at first, but it was better than nothing.

One, 'Come on.' Two, 'Hold on Sam.' Three, 'Damnit, break already.' Four, Crack! The ice cracked and Dean used the spade to pry the ice apart.

Sam finally surfaced, but not in the way Dean hoped. He was face down and not moving. Dean managed to grab hold of Sam's sweater and use the spade as leverage to pull him out.

"Oh god… Sammy…" He was blue and didn't respond to Dean at all. "C'mon Sam, we've gotta get you back to the car and warmed up." He scooped Sam up and carried him back to the impala.

Once Dean was past the hill, he realized, something was wrong… not only was Sam still blue, he still hadn't moved, not once. Hell, he wasn't even shivering. In the rush, Dean hadn't even checked his breathing-let alone if Sam had a pulse.

"Sam…" Dean paused and shook him while setting him down. Nothing. "SAM!" He shook him harder. Sam wasn't breathing. He had no pulse.

"Sonuvabitch…" Dean ran his hand over his face. He wasn't sure if he remembered CPR or not. He had to try, they were far away from help and Dean hadn't timed how long it had taken to get Sam out.

"Don't do this Sam…" he began compressions and breaths. "C'mon Sam, breath.' After four cycles of compressions and breaths Dean was in a panic, "Damnit!" Dean's eyes started to water. After the fifth round, Sam let out a cough and the water spewed out of his lungs.

"Sammy…" Dean was afraid to even touch him for fear that Sam would stop breathing. He was still unconscious, but alive. "Sam," Dean leaned over, "You with me here little brother?" The only response he got was Sam's wheezing breaths. Dean still had to get him back to the impala and began to carry him again.

Dean laid Sam in the front seat with the heater on full blast. He was still blue from the cold and it hit Dean that Sam was only wearing his sweater. Dean had on Sam's parka. He suddenly felt ten times worse. Sam had given up his coat when he rescued Dean which meant that no matter how cold Dean was feeling, it had to be unimaginable to be Sam. He noticed how Sam's hair was literally frozen to his head… he still wasn't even shivering.

"Shit Sam," Dean took off Sam's sweater-which had now frozen too-and replaced it with the parka. He searched around for something else and spotted his own leather coat that he'd left in the car.

They needed to get back to the room. Dean ran around and closed the trunk before switching to the driver's side. He didn't want to put Sam in the back, it was colder there. So he rested Sam's head on his right leg and sped off.

The impala started to fishtail on the road and Dean remembered how slick it was. It would take longer to get back. "Fu-shit."

About half way back, Sam began to shiver uncontrollably.

"Sam?" Dean looked down. "If you can hear me, open your eyes."

It was so cold. There weren't words for how cold Sam felt. His brain couldn't focus on anything else-it was all blocked out. He thought he heard Dean's voice, but it was fuzzy at best and he couldn't focus. _'…Open your eyes.'_

Dean saw Sam's eyes begin to open a crack and his heart almost skipped a beat.

"D…d-d-dea…?"

"It's gonna be ok Sammy. I've got you. Just… just don't worry," Dean had absolutely no idea what to say. Sam was practically dead-actually was dead for a few minutes.

Sam was quiet a minute which worried Dean, but Sam finally, weakly curled into a ball trying to get warm and shiver-sighed, "k-k-kaa-ayy…" before closing his eyes again. The statement was worse than the silence. Sam questioned everything all the time.

"Sam? Sammy…" Dean gently shook him in an attempt to keep him conscious. Sam was out cold-no pun intended.

They got back to the room and Dean left Sam in the car with the heat still on to crank up the heater in the room before carrying him in.

Usually Dean took the bed closest to the door, but the heater just happened to be there. So he gave it up to Sam despite the habit that had nearly turned OCD in Dean.

Dean got Sam into some new dry clothes before changing himself. He sat on the bed next to Sam and watched him for the longest time.

'_It's you're fault Dean… You couldn't just let Sam win for once... You didn't check the ice far enough out… He had to rescue your ass and he fell in doing it. Hell, he even did a better job at saving you than you did him… You didn't even check his breathing or give him the parka right after you pulled him out… You know better and you didn't do a good job looking out for him…' _ Thoughts ran through his head for god knows how long.

It wasn't nearly as bad as having to call John to come back on a hunt after only his first day out. Dean picked up the phone and dialed the number of John's cell (which in hindsight would now be an antique).

'_Hello, this is John Winchester, please leave a message. If it's an emergency, call Joshua, 555-867-5309. If it's Dean and Sam… you know the numbers. BEEEP!'_

"…H-hello Dad. We need you t-to come back… Sam needs help… I-I don't know what t-to d-do… I'm sorry… _P-please_… I'll call th-the numbers though" Click.

Dean dialed all the numbers but they were all pretty much the same.

'_You've reached Jim, I'm sorry I can't get to the phone now…'_

'_Hey, it's Caleb. For my "business" number press 1, for anything else, press 2…'_

'_Joshua here. I can't answer calls right now. If it's urgent, call John. If not, please leave a message…'_

Dean left the same message on all of them, "It's Dean and Sam. If you s-see John… tell him to come back…" He pressed both one and two or Caleb. He hated how his voice seemed to get weaker and more desperate with every call.

The adrenaline was wearing off and Dean suddenly felt tired and realized how cold it was. There was a throbbing pain in his left arm now. He needed to stay awake for Sam though so he propped himself into a sitting position against the pillows. Too bad it didn't work.

He finally dialed the last number. _'You've reached Bob Singer. If you need help-'_ "Hello?" Bobby actually picked up and Dean paused in disbelief. "Hello?"

"B-bobby…"

"Who's this?"

"It's us, Dean and Sam."

"Nice to hear from you, how's-"

"L-listen, we need our Dad… tell him to come back if you s-see him…"

"Dean? What's wrong? Are you two in trouble?"

"…G-get Dad…"

"DEAN! Where are you? Talk to me!"

"…_Please_…" Dean finally passed out.

"DEAN!... DEAN!

SOME TIME LATER

John walked into the room and immediately felt the heat coming out of it and turned off the heater.

Then he saw Sam lying on the bed pale and wheezing. He looked for Dean and found him passed out with the phone still loosely dangling from his hand. He was pale too, but not as bad as Sam.

John needed information and Dean was going to be the best source here.

"Dean?" John tapped his face, "Dean wake up."

He was rewarded with a groan as Dean turned away.

"C'mon Dean, talk to me."

"Dad?" He was suddenly more aware.

"What happened here Dean?" John's voice was still stern.

"We… were sledding… Sam fell in." Dean looked over to the other bed.

"Fell in what Dean, look at me."

"The ice… he fell through." Dean suddenly started to panic as he remembered it all. "Sammy!" Dean tried to get up weakly and started coughing, but John held him down.

He started to notice the heat coming off of Dean and how he favored his left arm and suddenly felt bad for the harsh tone.

"Lay down while I check on Sam," He finally softened.

Sam was having trouble breathing and burning up. He wouldn't respond to John at all.

Dean started another coughing fit, "How's Sammy?"

John needed to sugar coat this somehow, he knew things couldn't be good and they needed medicine.

"Sam… He'll be fine. We need medicine." John paused, he didn't want to leave them alone. "I need you to watch him while I go out… Can you do that?"

"Yes Sir." Dean relaxed a bit but added something as John opened the door. "Dad… Please come back…" He was slightly delirious.

Both struck a chord with John and he paused, "Of course Dean… And I'm Dad."

John returned minutes later with everything from antibiotics to pain meds. Dean was still awake when he got back, but was clearly out of it. Sam was the same.

Dean neglected to mention that he fell through the ice too and passed off his symptoms as just being out too long, slipping on the ice and the flu in his version of the story.

Sam finally really woke up about two and a half days later. Opening your eyes and asking "wha' happened", "where' Dean/Dean?", the same question with "Dad", and occasionally replying with "oh… kay'" doesn't really constitute of any coherency.

It was a week later that Sam even remembered the full story and told John that Dean fell in before he did.

Sam and Dean never went sledding or ice skating again.

_**END FLASH BACK**_

"Sam? Sam?"

"Huh?"

"You kinda spaced out on us there."

"Oh, sorry."

"Well… what's your story?"

"My brother and I went sledding this one time. He broke his arm while racing me down the hill and I landed in the creek at the bottom and came out all wet."

"Nice dude, I guess you never learned how to steer the sled." Zach laughed.

"Yeah, I guess. How about we start the movie?"

"Alright, but Little Becky here's a chicken so don't be surprised if she screams now and again."

"Oh, Shut up Zach. I was five and the original Frankenstein movies were on a Halloween marathon."

Peter came in and they put the tape in the VCR.

'_I see dead people,' _Was the first line on

"Great, who forgot to rewind?"

"That'd be I." Peter popped in. "Figured we'd cut the crap and see the best line."

"Gee thanks, some of us haven't seen it before." Becky scowled.

**AN:** I hope the wait was worth it for the longer chapter. I did put in a new character, Peter is the guy from pilot that goes to the bar with Sam and Jess… Unfortunately I had to name him myself because he was never actually named before. I know, uber long flash back, but it's something I've always had a plot bunny for.

Read and **review**. Tell me what you think, what you want/don't want to see, or just how your day has been. I don't care, just motivate me.

I like reviewers better than non-reviewers, so yes, this is favoritism.

**What you want to see will most likely effect the story**, so seriously tell me and rock my salt.

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